That breakup phase we face.

Recently I got this request on how to deal with rejections and wasted effort on courting a girl. And I’m writing this base on experiences which may or may not be applicable to some of us..
I guess..

Warning : Very pragmatic and graphic content that may allow you to either go “oh…true”
or “fuck you, that’s not true”

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[ THE DOBLER AND DAHMER OF BREAKUPS AND REJECTIONS ]

Okay, so having to see this title and knowing how it feels, I suppose you’re at the
age of 19 and above.

If you’re 13 and you are going “steady”, kindly kill yourself. That’s not a relationship.
That’s just some hobo you hooked up with that wanna experiment your
private parts with.
large

 

Anyway, by now, we should know the phases of breakups and rejections.
And, I’m not that shallow, we’re gonna do this good. The guy and girl sides. Yes.
That’s right. Provided if I was asked to the girl’s one. But today, it’s the guy’s.

 

[ GUYS. THE BREAKUP STORY ]

So ladies, you must know, we guys are prideful. No matter what the hell your boyfriend
or ex tells you how humble he is or pride is never hung onto his name, it’s bullshit.
(Most of the time…)

Now, pride comes before the fall. We all know that, and it’s pretty sad to see that in a
guy’s breakup phase. Yet, at the end, that will increase the lady’s self esteem, which
is good…no, great news for the ladies…go figure…

And it comes down to this.

 

Stage 1 : SHOCK. HOW IT STARTS

One day, the guy is like watching NBA’s season final match and the girl just texted him “It’s over”.
He ignores it because it’s the fucking season final, even if a meteor hits the Earth, his Lakers
have to win, but that text gave his balls a jerk.
(But for Pete’s sake, do not break up over a text. That’s so damn rude.)
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Stage 2 : DENIAL. OH NO SHE DIDN’T JUST SAY DAT.

Now the guy goes “Okay, what in balls name just happened?? Is it really over..?”
“Maybe it’s her period and stuff?”, “Son of a bitch, there’s another guy”
“Or is it my breath?”
He goes all paranoid thinking Bieber is a male and stuff.
“Is she coming back?? She is right? No? Nah, she is..should be..i think…maybe..”
He then sends a text message and takes hours telling himself that she’s gonna reply.
Denial

2_1389768898

Girls, if you think this is the right way to break up and you enjoy it, you need a trip
down your local practitioner. Or a detour down Hell.

That’s. Not. Ethical. It’s. So. Wrong.

 

 

Stage 3: “EMO-ING”. ISOLATION FROM LIVING THINGS.

At this point, the guy knows that bottom line is to break up. He then isolate himself from
humankind and spends his next few months in his boxers playing Dota and SIMS to see
what’s it like to have a happy family and cries in front of the game with a spoonful of
ice cream in his mouth.

gif-sourced---440-gif_223749

tylerthecreatorcrying

Yes girls, it hurts. Don’t toy with a guy’s feelings. It’s funny at times but it hurts
ALL
the time. And you wouldn’t want that to happen to you right?
033

 

Stage 4 : DESPERATION. COME BACK. TO ME. LIKE. NOW.

Having to realise that he didn’t really cared about her and now she’s really gone,
you want her. You need her like that piece of toilet paper landing sheet before you
take a dump. It’s essential, it’s important. He then gives all sorts of cliche craps from
movie about how sorry he is and how different he will be. But ladies, we know and
we’ve all heard from our besties that usually, the guy doesn’t change and the
next breakup is real.
begging-gif

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Stage 5: ANGER. YOU @*$^%& B*TCH. 

The guy is now automated to go berserk at the sound of the girl’s name or anything with
the slightest sound, pronunciation or sight of it. Everything about her makes his blood boils.
He points out every shitty part of her and asks himself what made him date a mop.
michaelscott-smashit

 

Basically we, as guys, will just look at the old photos of you and go:

clint-disgusted
(
oh god…that frizzy hair…wtf was wrong with me..must be the haze..)

 

Stage 5 : GRIEF. Y U DO DIS TO ME. 

Now this is where it gets good for the ladies. Your ex starts to regret.
The guy loves you. A lot. Wherever he looks, there’s you.
Looks left, BAM, there’s you sipping in a Latte.
Looks right, BAM, there’s you peeing in the toilet with him.
Without her, his life means shit. He will start wanting to do shit to himself like
some movie emo shit to get your attention again.
14-crying-wrestler

korean-people-kbs-cry-fb89705ae6d743bf1e848c206e16a1d7-7

old-man-crying

 

Stage 6: REBOUND. MEET JESSICA. SHE’S MA NEW RIDE.

Guys love this stage. It’s the clubbing, smoking, drugs and just grind girls all
night long stage. She left you, and all you can give…wait, no fucks were given.
At all.
You head down with your buddies to your favourite club and the night is yours.
After like some aimless sex or making out, you yourself then know that, all these
are just rebounds, something for the night.
cas___shots__by_cutiepi97-d550bwy

giphy

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grinding-o

 

Stage 7: ACCEPTANCE. = STALK

Well, we just can’t do it to be honest. Some of us did move on, after like 35 years.
Some of us just have that little precious memory of her.
But at the end of the day, we have to accept that, we both need to move on.
yeah_eddie_murphy

And our bros are like:
3482_3ab5

 

Well, I know that some guys may disagree and stuff because you took a completely different
approach but this is just what happens to majority of us that we’ve seen so far and well,
also just dedicating this to that anonymous who requested this.

So any guys out there, if you want me to do the female side, just ask away in my
ask.fm! Cheers people! 🙂
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